I gotta feeling...

of nostalgia for being pregnant, for the NICU community, and even for bed rest.  Yes, I actually said for bed rest!

It's not the bed rest part that I miss...it's the constant company and being the center of attention.  I'll admit it!!  I have NEVER liked to be the center of anything.  That's probably why I like being around Carlos so much.  When he's in a room, HE'S the center of everything.  I get to always go along for the ride, but I never have any pressure of making anything happen.  But I kind of liked getting visitors and being pampered by the nurses when I was in the hospital.  They were actually there for ME for a change.  And it was lovely!!  Also, it was a very different kind of stay than when someone is there for a chronic or terminal illness.  I was there because I was eventually going to get 2 boys out of the deal.  It made the stay bearable.  And, I got a lot of sleep, read a lot, and didn't have to go to work. ;)

I also miss the feeling of the boys moving in my belly.  I have to confess I felt robbed of 2 months of my pregnancy.  While I think I would have been miserable and HUGE those last 2 months, I still sort of wish I'd experienced them.  But, the flip side is that I had a completely different experience that ended up not being a bad one.  In fact, it was a great experience.  I learned a lot about my boys from the NICU nurses before I ever even took them home, which probably prepared me much better than if I'd had to take 2 full-term babies home at once only a few days after giving birth to them.  We also met some really nice people out of the NICU experience, both nurses and other families.

I still feel like a ball of emotions, and I never know on any given day which ones will manifest themselves.  I think about my 8th floor nurses who were so lovely to me and my family, and I think about my NICU nurses and friends, and I wish I could see them.  I think when the weather is nice, it will be easier.  I still need to take the boys to the 8th floor so that the nurses can meet them.  And it will be nice to eventually see the other families with twins so the kids can meet and play together (and the moms and dads can talk and share experiences!) once we all have things under control.

So for now, I may not have kicks in my belly from two little guys, but I have the two guys in front of me, and they are growing every day.  One thing my curtailed pregnancy taught me is to enjoy and document every day because it goes by quicker than you expect!