Still not sleeping...

The past few days have been a blur, to say the least. I don't think I've slept more than 4 hours since Adrian came home--he is just NOT a happy camper when you put him down to sleep at night. It actually sounds like he's gagging and he makes noises that make me think it's reflux keeping him up. He's impossible to burp and he spits up occasionally.  I've done everything I can think of and also stuff I found online to try to get him to sleep and/or alleviate his reflux.  I elevated one side of the mattress.  I keep him upright after feedings.  He's already on Prilosec, so I'm not sure why that's not helping more, or why the problem seems to be so much worse at night.  Today I'll try the Moby sling to carry him around since he likes to be held so much.  Now I really know why Marcy called him another body part--he's sitting on my lap as I type this with one hand!!! Not very efficient!  If anyone has any ideas, suggestions, or experience with this, let me know??  I'm desperate and feel unsettled without him sleeping because I can't continue without sleep listening to his agonizing noises at night.  Maybe it's just what he does for attention and isn't reflux at all...?

Papi with his 2 boys

 Adrian looks like an angel in these pictures...

This is what he did when I told him it was bedtime!

 Yesterday it was so nice we went for a walk downtown.  The boys loved it.  So did I--I'm stir crazy!!

Adrian in his car seat/stroller

Sebastian

Welcome home, Adrian!

Adrian has been home since about 7pm last night, and this is the FIRST time that both boys have been asleep at the same time without one of us holding one of them.  Phew!  It's been exhausting for a number of reasons:
1. Why wouldn't your first night with twins be exhausting?
2. Both boys had a bunch of vaccinations yesterday, including the one for pertussis which has side effects (mainly fever and fussiness).
3. Adrian is used to the NICU noises and lights (Sebastian had the same issue the first few nights we brought him home.).
4. Both boys are on different breast milk and/or formulas AND different vitamins. Plus we had to give them Tylenol every 4 hours last night to ward off fever caused by the vaccine.  So every time we prepare a bottle for one of the boys, the milk is prepared differently and the vitamins are different.
5. It was an emotional experience for me to finally bring Adrian home and to say goodbye to Marcy and Judy at the NICU.

So here's basically how the last 24 hours have gone:

1. After Carlos got out of work, we went to the NICU with Sebastian in tow to pick up Adrian.  I went in the NICU to feed Adrian and sign discharge papers with Marcy.  Carlos stayed in the waiting area with Sebastian because siblings are not allowed into the NICU during flu season.  It was bittersweet to pack up Adrian's things and say goodbye to the little cubby that has been his home away from home.

How I found Adrian when I entered NICU

 2. Marcy waited by the elevators with us in the waiting room for Transport to come to take us down to 75 Francis St. for discharge.  Judy was busy with a new admission, but did manage to sneak out for a few minutes to say goodbye.  I cried, and then we were gone, with two babies in the back seat.

Sebastian

Adrian, blanket courtesy of Judy

Home sweet home

And the crying begins...

3. At home, we fed the boys a bottle because they were starving.  Then we tried to get them to sleep.  Sebastian, who we had such a hard time getting to settle those first few nights he was home, was a perfect angel and fell asleep no problem for Carlos.  I had Adrian, though, and he was fussier than I've ever seen him.  He was definitely not himself, which we expected based on our experience with Sebastian.  He did not sleep a wink the whole night on his own--only cat napped in my arms.  The second I put him down, he'd start whimpering until it crescendoed into loud crying.  I was afraid to fall asleep completely with him in my arms in bed, so I didn't sleep all night.

4. Attempt to breast feed both babies at once around 5AM.  Didn't go well, but didn't go as bad as I had expected either.  Sebastian is a pro and will find a way to a boob no matter what.  Adrian acted like he'd never breast fed before and farted around until we finally bottle fed him.  There was a period of about 2-3 minutes where both boys were actually latched at the same time.  It was one of the funniest experiences of my whole life.  I laughed the whole time and felt like a pig with piglets attached.  It actually would have made a hysterical video, but I'm not going there in the blog.  Don't worry.

5.  7:45 got a call from the pediatrician--Can you come in at 9:45 instead of 2:30?  Sure...we hadn't slept a wink anyway.  Adrian is 8 pounds 9 oz.  Big!

6. Went to CVS to pick up Vitamin D for Adrian.  He started screaming in the car and Carlos was calling me in CVS telling me to hurry up...

7. Tried to breast feed both at once again.  Repeat performance of the early AM, only this time Sebastian was hitting Adrian in the face as he fed.  Adrian gave up after a bit and we ended up bottle feeding BOTH boys.

8. I tried to make phone calls while Carlos did some tummy/play time with the boys on the floor.

practicing their dance moves...

Sebastian actually seemed to think Adrian's ear was a nipple!!!!

9.  Quick canned soup heated in the microwave for lunch--both boys finally fell asleep.

10.  I'm blogging instead of napping; Carlos is asleep on the couch.  Ooops.  Not anymore.  Sebastian just woke up and is screaming.

So, that is basically it.  I did leave out a lot, but you get the idea.  I don't know what to do first: keep working at breast feeding both boys at once, just try to breast feed Adrian alone so that he can get the hang of it again (it's been a while for him since they gavaged him for 2 weeks after his initial swallow study.  I'd only breast fed him once since then.), breast feed one while Carlos bottles the other...just pump and bottle feed both....??  The problem is compounded by the different caloric needs, vitamins, and medicines that each one has.

Oh, Adrian...

I'm starting to wonder if my boy Adrian will come home before he goes off to kindergarten.  I'd hate to use the BWH NICU as his home address.

The plan was for him to come home yesterday (Monday), but he ended up having a horrible weekend.  Marcy had him Friday, and he was fine.  I also went in to see him Friday afternoon, and he did great feeding from the bottle for me.  Carlos went Saturday to see him and it was a nurse we'd never seen before.  Apparently, Adrian didn't like her or was just having a bad day because not having Marcy there seems to have put him in a tizzy.  He was desating on the monitors and having little chokes (but not turning blue anymore).  Sunday, Judy was back, but he was still off from his bad day on Saturday.  Then he had a bad night for the night nurse Fran who he also knows very well.

In any event, because of his terrible weekend, they were not going to send him home yesterday.  But then he pulled it together for Marcy and fed beautifully all day yesterday for her.  I went in at night and he breast fed AND bottle fed beautifully for me.  We've come to the conclusion that he really does do better for people that he knows.  We think he'll be fine at home once he has a routine and doesn't have to adapt to feeding for anyone other than Marcy, Judy, and Fran who seem to know him best.  So the plan now is to bring him home Wednesday afternoon after Carlos gets out of work.  That way they can continue to watch him today and most of tomorrow to make sure he's not really off his game again.  But at this point, I don't think there's much to gain by leaving him at the NICU.  He's gotten over the severe chokes and just needs some special care when feeding.  He has made much improvement overall since they first did the swallow study a few weeks ago and found him aspirating.  He's not doing that anymore, so we need him home with his brother!!!

I'm not sure I believe he'll be home tomorrow yet since we've had so many false alarms (for lack of a better term), but I'm optimistic.  I mean, he has to come home some day, right?!

Look at those cheeks!!! He has beautiful skin!

Oh my!  What a look!

Making sure the car seat is adjusted for his car seat test. 

Adrian is so much calmer than Sebastian.  Adrian just kind of rolls with things, and he can snuggle better than I imagined a baby ever could.  Sebastian, on the other hand, always wants to be held, but isn't really a snuggler.  He seems to prefer to be able to look around and look at you, but doesn't want to put his head up against your body where it would block his view of everything going on around him.  He's nosy just like his dad...BUT, yesterday, I did get a good snuggle out of Sebastian.  This is a rare moment, and I definitely enjoyed it!

The many faces of Adrian

To keep things even (since I did a post with pictures of Sebastian's typical faces), here are some close ups of Adrian.

This one cracks me up.  I've never seen a bigger frown! 

Marcy sent me this one...

Just for fun...

We took these this morning.  I think it's Sebastian channeling MJ?

And these pictures of Sebastian in his swing just because I think it's cute...